First published on Medium – Aug 19, 2022 & Written by Aimee Fenech
In a world full of distractions, how are we doing at listening? When we listen, what is it that we are hearing? What questions are we asking to better our understanding?
I recently enrolled in a course by Krista Tippett on the Art of Conversation hosted on Acumen Academy. I quite like the format of the course on this platform and have to admit I am a fan of their high-quality content. I do not get anything for saying that, by the way, in case you think I am getting any benefits from promotion. The course is self-paced with no deadline, with around 2 hours of video content.
The premise of the course is to find new ways to foster dialogue across our differences including politics, religion, experience and other divergences.
Better questions for better debate
What is a generous question? How do we elicit a response from people’s better selves? How do we build questions in reflection?
Start with recognizing the context. Who are you talking to? What are they going through? What is their reality?
What do you mean by X? — The art of clarification
Particularly useful when we do not have a shared language or use words that others may find triggering in diverse social spaces. Acknowledging that diverse groups and different individuals mean different things with terms that may feel inflammatory to us, to recognize our embodied reaction and taking a moment to check in with the other about their meaning.
What makes you hopeful? — Tapping into the positive part of very difficult situations even in disagreement
What frightens you? — perhaps remember that intention here matters, are you asking out of care and wanting to understand?
Shining a light on emotions may give us a common ground on which to empathise with the other, as humans share hopes and fears often in common. Humanising the other as a reflection of self.
Staying in relationship even when we disagree
We can have relationships with people whom we don’t agree with, because maybe you don’t want to, but you need to in order to co-exist.
What do I admire in the position of the other, that I can honor even if I do not agree with the other?
Staying in relationship requires acknowledging that despite our differences we have our similarities and enough trust to talk, agree and share insights around those things that we do agree on.
The smoke of division is in the air.
Let’s become rain for one another.
Let’s grow a harvest of ears to listen to each other with.
Let’s turn our words into a downpouring of understanding.
Let’s become rain.
Aimee Fenech is a permaculture teacher and student, she is co-founder of Eco Hacker Farm and a project manager at Finca Verde where Permaculture principles are applied on a day to day basis. She is an experienced teacher, group process facilitator and public speaker, an advocate and activist for open source, open knowledge and passionate growing permaculture into the world. Within the International Permaculture CoLab she is an active members of many projects, circles and micro-enterprises.
